29 Things Only a Woman with Menopause Would Understand

1. The way you carry your weight changes — you go from junk in your trunk to having it under your hood.

2. When you have a hot flash, you wish you could run naked in the snow.

3. You have perpetual heartburn, so you top everything you eat with Rolaid sprinkles.

4. Insomnia gets so bad that you can be seen on street corners jonesing for Ambien.

5. Your favorite song lyric is “Jumpin’ Hot Flash, I got gas, gas, gas.”

6. Your annual checkup reveals that you have gained 10 pounds and shrunk an inch.

7. When the Wicked Witch in the “Wizard of Oz” screams, “I’m melting!” you know she’s not dying—she’s just having a hot flash.

8. When you drive in traffic, you have to turn the radio down to see clearly.

9. You have to put your glasses on to hear.

10. You lose your glasses, only to find them on top of your head.

11. Every time you sneeze, you wet your pants.

12. Spanx is your best friend.